I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
