im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
