omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
