I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize