Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
