You can't special order awesome
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
