were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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