I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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