yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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