Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
