My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize