I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
