Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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