So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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