i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
