I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
