So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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