That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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