i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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