i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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