this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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