people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
