so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Randomize
