11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We won't sleep together?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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