i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
