She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
