Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
