If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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