I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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