I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
