Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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