Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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