i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
