I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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