I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize