Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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