I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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