Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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