I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
