You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
