Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
