you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
