How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
