something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
