She said her name was "party"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
