woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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