Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
