we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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