Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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