How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
