He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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