oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
either way he was missing a nipple.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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