tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This toilet bowl is my home.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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