tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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