when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
