bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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