Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
