There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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