Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
