how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
