I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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