So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
