I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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