my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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