he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
