You just made me feel so damn special
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
