I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
