Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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