If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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