my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
