I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He kissed a someone with a penis
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
