Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
