Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
