Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
